Friday, December 31, 2004
It's been a long time since I've blogged. Christmas has come and gone and tonight is the next big bash! Soon it'll be Claire's first birthday so we're looking forward to having a small family gathering for that occasion!

We've been sick in our house since Christmas Eve. We've mainly had colds, but a stomach bug has been hanging around too. Not much fun and not too easy to appear productive. I have a hard time counting resting as being productive...

Lately, (maybe cuz I'm sick, maybe cuz a new year is coming, who knows?) I've been thinking about and reprocessing some experiences as a teacher. It mainly has to do with my former supervisor who I think never really got me and knew how to offer "help" or mentor. I think he thought he was helping, but I didn't see it or take it that way...neither did some of my close colleagues. I regret not having been able to tell him this in an evaluation of him...I know they evaluate the administrators every five years or so. I could have been anonymous, but I probably wouldn't have been. I would have been honest.

I know I wasn't the best teacher, but maybe I'm a slower learner than what he thought the main French teacher should be. I was/am a new teacher...only four full years under my belt. It's hard to focus on the positive classes and days I had when one or two bad classes got so much emphasis. I want to forgive and forget...forgive myself for not being perfect when I shouldn't of had to have been, forgive my former boss/major critic of my work, forgive my students who maybe pushed me a little too far than they knew was right.

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me!

I told Brian the other night that I think I'm going through a phase of transition still between being a teacher and a mother. I have been a mother for less than a year and I've spent around five years being a teacher, counting student teaching. Maybe I don't like the feeling of being inexperienced at anything. Gaining experience takes time and I know I'm often impatient.

When I think of my teaching days, it's not always happy thoughts, but more a sense of accomplishment. I don't think I'm craving a steady teaching job again. I do enjoy being home more or less on Claire's schedule, but it is hard. Some days I don't feel I get anything done. It's hard to have peace with that. I was just reminded of that quote--the focus of the story actually--from Le Petit Prince by St. Exupery that says:

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."

All the effort I'm putting in to raise Claire isn't measurable like a grade, a good evaluation from a boss, or a clean desk. I have to give up wanting to see results. For a goal oriented type of person it isn't easy!!!

God give me strength, peace of mind, and courage to live in the present, not the past and not even the future! Help me to be thankful for everything I have which is more than enough! Please bless this new year for my family, friends and myself! Amen!
Monday, December 06, 2004
Today the three French Christmas cds I ordered from amazon.fr arrived. I've listened to most of two of them so far and like them better than the last one I ordered off of Ebay. I enjoy singing in French to Claire and know a couple French songs by heart, but this'll expand my repertoire. The only thing I'm wondering about is where the charge is on my Visa? It hasn't appeared yet so I hope I entered the right info.

I signed Claire and I up for a complimentary Gymboree play and music class for crawlers. I'm not sure we'll do the 14 week deal, but it might be fun. I'll decide after the free class...

Saturday we got our Christmas tree. It's the fourth time Brian and I have gotten a tree together! We've gone to the same place each time. On that same day, Claire took too steps on her own! Once towards Brian...step, reach... and once towards me. I haven't seen her do it again, but by Christmas, I think she'll be taking a few more steps with courage!!! Amazing...and only 10 months.

I got most of my Christmas cards out in the mail today which feels very good!!!
Good thoughts, bad thoughts, personal thoughts...

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Location: Beaverton, Oregon, United States

I was a French teacher for four years, a life-long dream achieved. Now, I'm taking a serious break to raise a family. I go to a United Methodist Church regularly with my husband, daughter and son. For my future ideal job, I'd love to travel the world eating in great restaurants and write food reviews!!! Someday I'd like to live on the Oregon Coast and be a translator for French tourists! However, in the meantime I'm earning a substantial income with Jewels by Park Lane, subbing & Shaklee!

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